Comments on: “And this time, there will be no angel”

By: Well, what have we here? « Pinto’s Beans

Well, what have we here? « Pinto’s Beans — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 02:24:32 +0000

[...] even the only two) posts I published on Juvenile Instructor won nominations in the “Top 10 Spiritual/Historical Posts” for the Niblet Awards of [...]

By: 2008 Niblets: Rock the Vote Here! at Mormon Matters

2008 Niblets: Rock the Vote Here! at Mormon Matters — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:48:51 +0000

[...] Heidi Harris “And this time there will be no Angel” [...]

By: Juvenile Instructor » From the Archives: Posts You Might Have Missed, June-August 2008

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:21:40 +0000

[...] And This Time There Will Be No Angel [...]

By: Last Chance for Niblet Nominations at Mormon Matters

Last Chance for Niblet Nominations at Mormon Matters — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 22:03:42 +0000

[...] it” Eve’s “To Some it is Given: Knowledge, Doubt, Mercy” Heidi Harris “And this time there will be no Angel” Lisa’s “Hollow” Ardis “I’ll Let God Keep the Records” Gay LDS Actor, [...]

By: Heidi

Heidi — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:58:47 +0000

Ben H–Yes, I also think that submission and service is a beautiful and holy thing. It’s a foundation of our religion (actually, most religions if not all). I only ask why one gender is the one kneeling the whole time. Shouldn’t this promise to serve be made both by men and by women?

Caroline: Thank you for your comment. It meant a lot to me.

By: Caroline

Caroline — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 05:30:34 +0000

Heidi,
I’ve shared your struggles. My moment of real crisis occurred the third time I actually did an endowment and really paid attention to the words. I wept and wept and haven’t been able to bring myself to go back to the temple since.

And that’s been ok. I have no regrets that I made those promises. The results were that I was able to marry a fantastic man. I’d pay the price of those words again. And I live in hope and faith the words will change with time. I’ll go back when they do.

By: Ben H

Ben H — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 00:52:00 +0000

Hm. Praying and pondering and praying fervently in expectation, or at least hope for a satisfying response, is always a good idea. Sometimes I haven’t gotten an answer for years, and perhaps more often than not, my answer has come through something I read or something someone said or something that happened to me, that made something click. With subtle guidance, over the years my perspective on all kinds of spiritual things has changed drastically, though it happened bit by bit, flash by little flash. It makes me sick sometimes to think how much I seem to have lost over years living without some piece of understanding. Yet I do think I have learned things I wouldn’t have learned any other way. Lehi’s dream is a great metaphor for mortal life. We spend a lot of time in the wilderness, feeling our way through the mists of darkness, and feeling some degree or another of despair.

One day I was talking to a friend about a pretty serious doubt I had–about the very idea of faith, actually–and she told me to look in the scriptures for an answer. I said there was no point because I knew what was in the scriptures. She pushed and insisted that I try anyway. On that occasion I went looking for something else first, but the first place I opened to gave me a completely direct response to my (more important) question, giving a very unexpected sort of answer.

I do think there are amazing resources in the scriptures that we don’t see because we are so used to reading them with a certain set of questions in mind, to which they produce a certain set of answers.

When Christ washes his disciples’ feet, and Peter initially refuses, then is rebuked, and gives in, and Christ says, “The servant is not greater than his lord,” what is he telling us about equality?

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:53:02 +0000

Elizabeth. You pretty much made my day.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:28:27 +0000

Thank you for sharing this, Heidi. I think my heart broke while reading it. And thank you for bringing sincere, contemporary spiritual autobiography within the scope of historical inquiry where it belongs. This gives me courage to search and to question and to find answers.

By: EditorJack

EditorJack — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:59:03 +0000

Stop trying to understand the temple in the terms of your own limited worldview. Open yourself to the possibility that reality is much bigger and stranger and more wonderful than what you currently know. Instead of weeping, try to understand.

If you were visiting Paris and wanted something to eat, would you gripe about not being able to find a Burger King, or would you order something new at a sidewalk cafe? Would you expect your waiter to speak English, or would you try to practice your French?

David O. McKay, in his old age, came out of an endowment session and remarked, “I think I’m starting to understand.” When I was young, I pooh-poohed that story, but I’ve learned more in the past couple of years than in my previous 35 years of temple attendance. And the things I’ve learned have been deep, specific, highly personal, and related to the Savior.

Nan-in, a Japanese Zen master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. “It’s running over! No more will go in!” “Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

I’m not advocating blind faith here; I’m advocating trying to understand the temple on its own terms. Then see if you still want to weep.

I wish you all the best in your quest for understanding.